You’ve just come out as trans, now what?

Coming out as trans, non-binary, or some form of gender non-conforming is both a leap of faith in those around you and a matter of personal catharsis. Once you come out to yourself and the world around you life starts and things get both simplified in your own mind and a whole lot more complex. There is no one way to be trans, to live life in a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth and have lived up to that point.

Here are the basics:

· Take a deep breath, it is both exciting and frightening

· Understand who you can trust with this news and who will be supportive

· It is okay to experiment with your image to find the right version of you

· You can change your name if it does not feel right

· You do not have to drop your hobbies if you do not want to

· A good GP is worth their weight in gold

· Not everything online is healthy or right, find resources that are reputable

· Don’t just listen to everyone who is being affirming, often those who temper their advice with kindness and empathy are worthy hearing

· Only you know the responsibilities you have to balance in your life, and there is no one path to walk with respects to transition

· Transitioning will not solve any issues going on in your life

· Allow yourself to be cherished and cherish those close in your life

Here are my general observations and advice for those who have taken that first step:

First, it can be overwhelming and daunting and anxious and exciting and all the things, so take a deep breath, grab a brew, and take stock of things Running a million miles an hour in every direction might seem amazing right now, but it can be exhausting both for you and those around you. This is the rest of your life, the best version of you on show to the world. It will come in time, but to prevent burn out I kindly suggest taking things at a pace that are emotionally sustainable for you in the long run.

Next, not everything societally associated with your inner gender identity is necessarily a good or healthy thing. There are many, many ways to exist as a person in the world, and the stereotypes we are presented with in the media are just one sliver of that. To be a woman is more than simply wearing a skirt and wearing make-up, to be a man is more than a beard and muscles. All of those things can be very much gender affirming, but they do not define womanhood or manhood. Find your own space in the gender presentation spectrum and you will find a sustainable way to be yourself in the long term.

Third, be kind to yourself. This is the hardest thing to do, especially when you suffer from gender dysphoria. Your mental health is as important as your physical health, and taking the time to work through your inner self is vital. Being trans is not a mental health issue, though often it exacerbates other mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression because of the way society, friends, and family treat you when you come out. Good personal mental health routines, access to mental health professionals, and healthy coping mechanisms will make your transition go more smoothly. If you cannot access professional help due to cost or location, there are plenty of online resources that can help you through the difficult times. You are not alone, your life is precious, and there are plenty of folk who will help your through.

Following on from that, transition is just one point in the rest of your life. It is a process, for sure, but it is not the end game. Living life is more than just shifting into your best self, it is about the hobbies you enjoy, the work you do, the people you love, and the life you build for yourself. It is very easy to wrap yourself up in the transition process, seeing your gender as the only thing that matters. Yet, as with all thing, your gender is only one part of who you are. You are more than the sum of all your experiences, more than simply male, female, or non-binary. What makes worth living is the joy you find in the things you enjoy, so find yourself things that bring you joy beyond your gender identity.

Fifth, medicalising your gender dysphoria is a decision only you can make. No amount of online or in-person anecdotes should ever convince you that there is only one way to be trans. Medical treatments can provide a relief to gender dysphoria, but they do not define your be all and end all. Yes, waiting for treatment is painful and frustrating, and patience is not always a virtue, yet your are much more than your body. It would be wrong of me to advocate for waiting for treatment, though my key point of advice is that medical treatment is only part of the process. Living your life, enjoying life, building effective connections with others as your true self is just as important as any hormones or surgeries you may have. Surgeries and hormones do bring relief, but it is the life you build that becomes the future foundation.

Developing on that, as exciting as coming out is, having a second puberty is not always a bed of roses. This is especially true if you are an adult with an adult life and responsibilities. Nuking all the things because you have come out may seem great in the moment, but even if you do not realise it at the time, the relationships and connections you develop can be important for the success of your transition into your new self. There is much online about the impact of starting hormones and coming out on those around you, the new found hobbies and new people who invariably come into your life. Be mindful of the impact you are having on yourself and those around you, as what is exciting and new can quickly become all consuming. Impulse control, over spending, obsessive behaviour, ignoring loved ones, and emotive outbursts are expected in teenagers, but as an adult they can cause issues. Be aware of being all consumed by your transition, as the teenage phase will dissipate eventually.

Finally, you are awesome and your transition journey will be worth it what ever path you chose to take. Every trans person has their own path to walk, own life to live, and where you end up will look different from the trans person next to you. While it is easy to get sucked into a curated social media ideal of trans identities, the reality is that the bodies you see in the media are the very best version of what that person wants you to see. Human bodies come in all shapes and sizes, men and women and non-binary folk are as varied as you could conceive. Your nose, your chest, your eyes, your hair, your build all have analogues with the world around you, and while it is perfectly acceptable to have surgery to correct anything you do not like about yourself, if cannot or do not want those you are perfectly valid as you are. Judging yourself against others is an exercise in pain, for you will always find fault in who you are. Be kind to yourself, for you are both your greatest ally and your greatest critic.

Your life is your own to shape and mould. Transitioning is only ever a part of the greater whole. If you decide it is not for you then great. If you complete the process up to the point you want then awesome. This is the beauty of transitioning, for once it is over you are there are the end in whatever form you feel free in. There is many ways to be human, but only one way to be you, and that is the path you walk. Noone has the right to force you to be anything other than you, just understand that good advice and good allies are as precious as water in the desert. Now, grab a brew, and feel excited for the future.