Trans allyship in 2023
Being a good ally is more than wearing a flag pin, stating that you support trans rights, and having trans friends. It is deeper, and ideally, more meaningful. It is putting in the effort to find out more, to understand, and to empathise with others whose lives you do not lead. Trans identities are as varied as the trans folk on the planet, no two lives are the same, meaning that trans allyship has to embrace this diversity at its core. Non-binary, gender fluid, non-medicalised, non-expressive trans identities challenge the old paradigm of what trans used to mean, which means that trans allyship has to evolve and change to shift with these expression of self.
Personally, at the start of 2022 I knew next to nothing about non-binary identities as there were few non-binary folk in my immediate circle. Due to my research and writing I decided to put in the work to get to understand enbie issues better, talked with some of my enbie friends, and consumed writing and content by enbie creators. While I am not enbie myself, these conversations and content helped me better understand the panoply of non-binary identities, which in turn hopefully will make me a better ally. This is the sort of work I am talking about, the onus being on me to understand and educate myself, not the enbie folk in my life having to tell me over pronouns and etiquette every time they meet me.
Allyship is more than simply knowing, it is putting that knowledge into empathetic action. Pronouns are the least we can do to respect trans folk, that empathy extends to understanding that not all bodies are the same, not all life goals are the same. Sometimes it can look odd to external observers, but each person has their own perspective on life and we need to take that person as they wish to be, not what box we wish to fit them into. Often folk just want the space to be without stifling rather than someone imposing an idea. This conception of allyship is possibly the hardest, just letting someone be without your idealised version of what that thing should be.
This is not an easy process because society is built around easy assumptions. Even in the trans community there are a vast array of assumed behaviours and fixed ideas about the ways things should be done. Trans medicalisation is a sore point for many, as medicalised bodies are potentially seen as more legitimate than those that have had no intervention. What it is to be a woman or man is also discussed ad nauseum, for to be a trans woman carries the very real possibility of physical danger if you so not assimilate close enough to an approximation of womanhood. This is why trans on trans allyship is critical in overcoming many of these assumptions. To be male or female in a binary world is more than going to the extremes of gender, it is about finding your place in the world, and that takes allies who are there for the journey, not just cherry picking the best bits.
On the flip side, there is also the part of allyship that is prepared to call out ill behaviour. Not all trans behaviour is healthy to the self, and being able to help trans folk through the worst of times is as important as the best of times. This is a complicated process, for often when someone comes out there is this cathartic release and then potentially a slide into selfishness that is hard to fathom. Getting wrapped up in the self is hard for others to take, especially if the person prior to transition displayed a different side of themselves. It is not a matter of simply standing by as someone self-destructs or pushes their old life away, allyship can get messy and complicated when emotions and behaviour are involved.
In the current media landscape it can be hard to find positive news about trans lives, which is why good allyship matters even more. There comes a point when ten bad news stories ricochet around the internet and not a single positive story can be found. It is times like these that coming together and being a community matters. Trans lives are not a burden to the self, they are a burden cast upon trans folk by society, and it is the allies both cis and trans that help take the pressure off. Wearing a lanyard and a pin helps, but so does being a safe space, a shoulder, a harbour in the storm. There is no one way to be an ally, so do the best you can to the trans folk in your lives. Solidarity in the comes weeks, months, and years will be necessary to head off the coming hurricane of legislation and court cases, and together trans folk and their allies can weather it together.
