Ten seconds to coming out
Coming out is framed as this explosive momentary thing, a brief shout of self to the world that is both liberating and eternally scary. The first person you tell is always yourself, your personal coming out often the hardest part of all. Am I really trans? Is this thing I am about to say and do really going to make me feel better and live my best possible life, or am I opening my world to a whole range of pain. Those tens seconds before you come out can be the darkest days of the soul, as often you bargain with yourself not to do it, not to upend everything that came before. Often this is the bit that is left out of coming out narratives, the self-reckoning that allows you to step over the threshold, while others will allow that bargain to hold them back, if only for a little while.
No two trans or queer people have the same coming out journey, indeed, if we did it would make it a whole lot easier. There is no play book about how to come to terms with transness or a queer identity, let alone understanding what that means for your best life. Most societies frame trans and queerness as at the very least not normative, with some actively seeking to purge those who express anything other than heteronormativity. Not coming out could be both the safest and most financial viable way of dealing with the queer self, yet it could also be the route that tortures you the most.
