Allowing yourself to get angry
One thing that women are expected to be is polite in the face of adversity. Polite, diplomatic, equivocate, set the world to rights even when things are blatantly oppressive. Channelling that anger into something productive, something that does not alienate anyone around you. The reality is that the moment a woman shows the slightest hint of anger she is judged for losing her cool, making it seem like she is an alpha bitch who should be avoided. Passive aggressive behaviour is the standard anger response expected of women because women should be nice and friendly. All the time.
Fuck that shit. Honestly, how can anyone remain calm all the time? Anger has its uses, being angry is not necessarily a negative trait. Preternatural calm is not something anyone should endure, as a healthy dose of anger can work through an issue in a short moment rather than letting it fester for a long period of time. Women are told to calm down, told they are being irrational, told to smile. Being angry is simply not acceptable in a society that views women as demure and childlike.
Get angry, allow yourself to exorcise the frustration, be honest with those who have vexed you in constructive ways that do not involve smashing the house down. Or, if you feel the need to break something do it to something you will not regret. Or, ignore that and simply be angry. Let it out in a healthy way, otherwise it could consume you. Women’s anger, women’s rage, is a natural part of life. Get angry, let it out, let it go. Safely.
Anger that gets out of control is a problem, yet as society cossets women often it is the snapping anger that people ever see. Simply being able to talk through your feelings, being able to work through frustrations in the moment with people who engage and listen is vital. Yet, it is the listening part that is often missing. Anger often comes another person either not listening or failing to act on what they said they were going to do. If another person fails to actively listen and react appropriately this can cause the anger to build into resentment and longer term issues.
Women need space to be angry in the moment, to let the frustration out in healthy ways that are not simply a snide remark or told to calm down dear. Women’s anger is as real as men’s, as honest and raw. It just happens that men are expected to be angry, are often only allowed to be angry, and that by only having anger men expect women not to compete. Anger’s release brings catharsis, brings clarity that allows us to move forward, and by forbidding women to be publicly angry, by calling them shrews, we bar women from gaining that release.
Get angry, find release, allow yourself to be mad at the world, and then allow yourself the time to think and act. Anger becomes destructive when there is no safe release, when our options are constrained. Get mad, be volcanic, be Krakatoa, in a man’s world be the pyroclastic flow. Red hot anger is not something to bottle up and squeak out, it is something to resolve and let go of. Be angry, rage at the dying of the light, and shake your fist at clouds. You are not some shrill harridan, you are woman, you are angry, and by God you can get as angry as you need. Go on, let it out.
